Disclaimer: everything contained in this blog is MY OPINION. Every attempt is made to present the truth through actual facts or to identify statements which are in doubt; otherwise there will be no deliberate presentation of gossip, rumor, or innuendo which can't be proven as factual.
The Fly Goes Up in Smoke-A Fable
Once upon a time, in the village of Silliville, ex-King Yuppy Puppy was in a frantic snit. He rushed to the mayor's house and shouted, "You have to call an emergency meeting right away!"
Hovering above the lawn, a fly was examining a smouldering cigarette butt.
"What?" said the mayor.
"What?" said the fly, gliding closer to listen in.
"An emergency meeting. You have to call one!"
"You do it," said the mayor.
"No, I can't do the emergency thing, it's not legal," explained Yuppy Puppy.
"But you do illegal things all the time," complained the mayor. "I don't want to call a meeting."
The fly flew in a swirl around the ex-King's head. *You say tomato, I say tomato; you say it's lawful, I say it's awful.....* it sang.
The ex-King wrung his hands. "You must!" he cried.
The mayor was indifferent. "Why?" he asked.
"Well, you see," said Yuppy Puppy snarkily. "I'm the head of the medical mafia, and that's more important than the city commission. I have to have a front man so I don't get the blame for anything."
The fly rolled its eyes. *It's all smoke and mirrors,* it giggled.
"Oh," said the mayor. "That's different. Ok."
And an emergency city meeting was scheduled right away.
"Wait," said a commissioner. " Doesn't this have to be posted for a few hours before we can meet?"
"No, this is an EMERGENCY," Yuppy Puppy explained with elaborate patience. "That means we can do it without telling anyone."
The fly did a barrel roll and grinned. *Blowing smoke is such fun!*
The mayor strolled in, turned the meeting over to the ex-King, and vagued out.
"Why are we having an emergency meeting, Yuppy Puppy?" asked another commissioner.
The ex-King sighed loudly. "I told you to call me KYP," he insisted.
"We can't call you KYP now, you're not king," protested the other commissioner.
Looping the loop, the fly snickered, *Where there's smoke, there's fire.*
"Drat!" said the ex-King under his breath.
The commissioners thought hard for a while. "I know," said one. "We'll have to call you YP."
"Yip?" said the mayor waking up. "Is there a dog in here?"
"Ok, YP, why are we having an emergency meeting?" asked the commissioner.
"Big Town has just outlawed smoking!" YP's patience was beginning to fray.
"Um. So?"
YP waved his hands in the air. "That means they're ahead of us!" he shrieked.
The other commissioner drew back in horror. "Watch out, you'll break a nail!"
"Oh, dear, we can't have that," said another commissioner.
"Yes. First they got SUVs for their cop shop before we did," YP whined.
The fly started to giggle again. *That's the smoking gun,* it tittered.
"Don't forget. They made the crepe myrtle their town flower, and we had to root a bunch of pear trees out of our sidewalks and plant crepe myrtles just to keep up."
The commission thought for a minute. "NOW they're having new schools!" they yelled.
"Well, we've caught up with them on that," YP preened. "But don't you see?" he reasoned desperately. "People can still smoke in Silliville!"
"Big Town is ahead of us again!" they all chorused, outraged.
"That'll never do," a commissioner said righteously. "We have to ban smoking."
"People are not going to let us do that," said the other commissioner.
Another commissioner flapped a hand in the air. "I used to smoke."
*Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette...* the fly hummed happily.
There was a shocked silence in the meeting room.
The commissioner looked around. "But I had to stop."
They all breathed a sigh of relief. "See?" said YP. "It's unhealthy and we have to force people to stop for their own good."
"Oh, no," protested the other commissioner. "It turned my nails yellow, and I didn't like the color."
There was another silence. YP chewed his nails.
Finally the other commissioner protested, "But a lot of people here smoke. We can't get around that."
YP called his attorney and then snapped his fingers. "Wait. I have it!" he cried gleefully. "We'll fool them into thinking it's something else. It'll be like 'rent' instead of 'user fee' and 'information' instead of 'persuasion;' so instead of 'smoking' we'll outlaw the 'human emission of visible vapors!' They'll never know the difference."
The fly was laughing so hard it was crying; it sang a few bars of *Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.*
"Let's do it right now," YP said, feeling frantic. "Before the people realize what's happening."
"We can't. We have to have a public discussion," insisted the commissioner.
"I want it! I want it! I want it!" squalled YP, beginning to drum his heels on the floor.
The fly sat back and blew imaginary smoke rings. *I see-um smoke signals, kemo sabe,* it chuckled.
Anita Huguelet McMurtrie
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